Jonny, I think people here, including myself, try to raise a point here that LZ should go for a relationship for the right reason. Put the cultural conflict, age and race aside, how much does LZ know about this person? -redundant(sunny) @华盛顿特区华人论坛:华盛顿特区枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of DC

枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 和老外的感情，想听听大家意见，谢谢 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-19 {430} (#3090663@0)
前段时间一个老外同事说他爱我爱得CRAZY，他跟我说我才知道。经过几个星期的深入聊天，我发现我也挺喜欢他的。以前我从来没想过会找个外国人，而且他50岁了，女儿也十几岁了。我今年30岁，never married. 我条件还不错，也有些好的选择，但是只有他让我心动了，觉得找到一点soulmate的感觉。我和他是同事，我的工作比他好一点。但其实外表和金钱对我来说并不重要。现在问题是我们之间的现实差距挺大的，如果我和他在一起了，大家请帮我想想以后还会有什么问题呢？

『经过几个星期的深入聊天，我发现我也挺喜欢他的』－－无法理解这句话 -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-7-19 (#3090694@0)

就是在网上聊天或者中午出去吃饭时聊一聊，了解多了之后觉得挺喜欢他的，以前从来没有往这方面想过 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-19 (#3090700@0)

你应该找位中国东北的小伙子聊 -t.o(t.o); 2006-7-19 (#3090703@0)

能聊天的朋友不少，但是能动心还真难找的 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-19 (#3090712@0)

泥小心，都50的人了，他还行吗？啊？呵呵呵，好好掂量掂量，别回来那个，呵呵呵 -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3090900@0)

你少在这上窜下跳的了. 人家想听听意见, 你说这些有的没的干嘛? 再说你有根据嘛? 凭这几个英文单词,你说说你的推理呀. -littlepear(nonamebrand); 2006-7-20 (#3090986@0)

呵呵呵，急了，不信，拭目以待 -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3091885@0)

你上上下下的发了这么多条同样内容的帖子, 谁更急? 再说我有什么好急的呀. 只是觉得低俗不等于尖锐, 更不等于幽默. -littlepear(nonamebrand); 2006-7-20 (#3092565@0)

说得好! -fenghu(风湖); 2006-7-20 (#3092600@0)

我也觉得相差20岁太大了, 要是我都接受不了. -lilyyang(恐龙来了^_^ Gemmy); 2006-8-3 (#3122385@0)

泥没看见她用的那几个词儿吗？ rejoice、honour、flove，看来让人家搞定了,xixix -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3090899@0)

不可思议。对一个人以前相处很久没有感觉、却在2周内产生如此感觉，是不是潜意识中什么东西左右你了？ -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-7-19 {237} (#3090721@0)
老外在追人的时候很浪漫，国人没见识过，很容易上当。浪漫过后也就不爱了。
他们说我爱你就像我们说你吃了没有一样，只是一种打招呼的形式。

相差20岁，当你40，50 的时候怎么办？
还是应该慎重。
要不你和我们坛子里找个人聊聊看看能不能找到感觉？

nod... nod... -ruby92(桃逃*世界和平); 2006-7-19 (#3090751@0)
也有年轻而且条件好的老外追，但是感觉跟他不一样。我也觉得不可思议。要是潜意识有什么东西，那到底是什么? -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {199} (#3090975@0)
我对他说，要是他年轻20年，要是他是中国人，那对于我来说可好办许多。
他虽然有个女儿，但是他也是never married. 他说他没爱过他的partner, 他为了女儿不会没有爸爸而跟她在一起的。所以他说的他爱我，我相信。

我觉得你有很多风险：他never married, 不是一个advantage,而应该是一个disadvantage： -meizi(梅子); 2006-7-20 {433} (#3091102@0)
１．　他不喜欢commitment
２．　他没有过实际婚姻生活，　５０岁了，　会有自己的一套生活规则，不容易compromise
３．　他即使有女儿，　还是没有结婚，　证明有些不负责任．　不要说什么老外不重视形式，　他们也是很看中commitment　的．
４．　他说为了女儿不会没有爸爸而跟她在一起的，这更是自相矛盾，　一方面说因为不爱，　所以没有结婚，　看起来很有原则，　另一方面为了女儿而同居，　又听起来没有原则．

我的感觉是，　他在说故事，　让你Buy in.

很对 -3721(过路人); 2006-7-20 (#3091111@0)
说白了就是个光想SEX而不想负责人的老头，我不知道如今的女孩怎么这么好骗。俺咋没遇到这么好骗的呢？ -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-7-20 (#3091598@0)

continue, you will 遇到 -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-20 (#3091778@0)
You may jump to the conclusion too soon, though. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093321@0)
一个想骗(容易啊),一个愿意上当(她爱上了自己的期望本身).总觉得70年代的比80年代的还单纯,幼稚. -www4000(Wayne); 2006-7-21 (#3094804@0)

这话有点说谎的味道啊, 我不信他在造女儿的时候没有满口对他的partner说love这个字 -happygirl2002(little); 2006-7-22 (#3095173@0)

聊一聊 or just having lunch together is not enough for you to understand him as thoroughly as possible. If I were you, I would not consider marrying him at this point. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093309@0)

Have you ever been invited to his house? Has he ever introduced you to his family or close friends or his social cirlce? Those are good indicators whether men are really in love with you or not. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093318@0)

小葱花随着情与爱悠啊悠地撒。 -fromeastowest(避风塘炒蟹); 2006-7-20 (#3092313@0)

你都可以做那的女儿了. -flyingpig(小飞猪); 2006-7-19 (#3090726@0)

泥没看见她用的那几个词儿吗？ rejoice、honour、flove，看来让人家搞定了,xixix -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3090909@0)

用不着想什么以后怎么办。你们不是仅仅是好感吗？但有一点是肯定的。你对他的好感，好奇的成分占主体。30岁的人应当能有分辨能力。自己的事情自己做主，用不着写这么几句就征求毫不知情人的意见。 -explorer123(start); 2006-7-19 (#3090730@0)

同意！楼主现在也不用谈结不结婚的话题，太早了。何况他还有个正处在麻烦年龄的女儿。 -jm222(奔来眼底); 2006-7-20 (#3090897@0)

就是30岁了，知道自己要什么，更加不想随便就决定了自己的婚姻。 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {42} (#3090977@0)
倒不觉得他的女儿是个大问题，她跟她妈妈住。

Check your pm. Good luck! -jm222(奔来眼底); 2006-7-20 (#3091405@0)

太谢谢你的回复。 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {148} (#3091889@0)
不知道为什么我的PM发不出去，只好在这发
你的意思是说要衡量他的态度，是他的儿女重要还是我和他之间的感情重要，要看他对待这个事情是什么态度，是这样吗？

yes. -jm222(奔来眼底); 2006-7-20 {376} (#3092286@0)
He has to realize the future life is about you and him together. You are the only one to walk through the world to death with him, not anybody else. Kids will grow up and have their own life. As parents , even he loves his kids without condition, they won't do the same. They will and shall spend their life with someone else when grow up. By then, he will be the one suffer.

跟他混几年吧，直到在你已经不年轻时但又无法和他继续走下去，北美已经一大批这样的中国女人恐怕要独身一辈子了。 -mjq32(枫叶蘅芜(他)); 2006-8-5 (#3125614@0)

泥没看见她用的那几个词儿吗？ rejoice、honour、flove，看来让人家搞定了,xixix -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3090910@0)

两三句甜言蜜语,色迷迷的眼神,这是男国移们普遍缺乏的色狼基本功.所以就造成了有些MM对那么多优秀的男同胞们不来电.我认为虚荣女喜欢好色男.不知道对不对? -0806(0808); 2006-7-20 (#3090872@0)

泥没看见她用的那几个词儿吗？ rejoice、honour、flove，看来让人家搞定了,xixix -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3090903@0)
错！同样是Flirt.男国移就变成了猥琐～～～～ -arfeifei(老顽童); 2006-7-20 (#3090952@0)
我觉得我并不太虚荣。金钱和外表我都不缺，我不需要对方一定要有这2样，当然也不能太穷。只是我觉得这不是重要的东西。优秀的人是有很多，但是适合你的人又有多少呢 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 (#3090978@0)
国男通常用行动来表达爱，爱是真心的。鬼佬爱是挂在嘴上的，只是说说而已，内心爱不爱鬼才知道。但女人就喜欢听爱爱爱，不善于辨别真假。可悲！ -peterpeng(爱江山更爱美人); 2006-7-20 {70} (#3090982@0)
不过，如果我到50岁能骗到30岁的女人，那可真是上帝恩赐给我的礼物！！！！
啊, 我怎么觉得男国移一点也不缺那色迷迷的眼神, 但表面上又挺想装得道貌岸然的, 所以有猥琐之嫌. -littlepear(nonamebrand); 2006-7-20 (#3090989@0)

好啊,有多了一个打入主流社会的. -jacky2001(beyond); 2006-7-20 (#3090892@0)

Just because he is a White doesn't necessarily mean he is in 主流社会 or part of 主流社会. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093336@0)

I just don't understand why some Chinese tend to equalize all Canadian-born White to members of 主流社会. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093339@0)

唉,你叫我说你点啥好呢? 连正反话都听不出来,看来你是英文讲得太多,中文退化了..........算了,你还是练你的英文吧.. -jacky2001(beyond); 2006-7-22 (#3095261@0)

唉，又少了一块地！而且是割让土地给洋人。咱们什么时候翻身啊？ -orientalist(向前看); 2006-7-20 (#3090953@0)
以前听说白人男人到处 prey on 亚洲女人，一看LZ的帖子才感受到老外的猎功真的名不虚传。一个拖着大油瓶的老头竟然能在两星期内就能将一个未婚亚洲姑娘搞到手，手段实在是高啊！当然还因为许多亚洲姑娘的贱在起作用 -orientalist(向前看); 2006-7-20 (#3090959@0)

每每听到有中国女人对西人男子动心，必有人跳出来痛骂，其激愤程度，比之当年那些“贞节烈女”骂有心再嫁的寡妇有过之而无不及。 -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 {188} (#3091071@0)
想这些堂堂中华男儿，享语言和文化背景之优势，却眼睁睁看着肥水流向外人田，叫人家如何能忍。遂上窜下跳者有之，顿足锤胸者有之，出言不逊者亦有之。叫人瞠目结舌，又吓跑几个本来“爱用国货”的女子。

就是一个字，贱 -skywriting(天书); 2006-7-20 (#3091135@0)

Are you talking about yourself? -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3091139@0)

亲爱的，这里的一些回帖猬琐，狭隘，让人叹为观止，你见识见识也好。 -xianingxin(xianingxin); 2006-7-20 (#3091152@0)

大20岁再加上其他方面综合考虑——这至少也是30%off, 不贱而何？ -humale(huma); 2006-7-22 {145} (#3095975@0)
不要说什么感情无价之类的nonsence, 短短的谈情说爱的时间所铸就的感情其深度难道不容置疑？就是让楼主的父母来说两句，这段‘爱情‘ 就能立马纯洁高尚了？

I have to say sth. Back home, 20's already married even had a kid, after divorce, already 30's40's. but the guys only want vergin, never married, or -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-20 {176} (#3091122@0)
or at least no kid. If we have a good caree, they think we are not easy to control. how you want chinese woman find chinese guy? Don't think F want white guy, just no choice.

J -johnnywalk(Black); 2006-7-20 (#3090995@0)
LZ可算又制造了一个话题让中国男性挤兑女性了. 其实在这无论跟什么人谈情说爱都得要谨慎些. -littlepear(nonamebrand); 2006-7-20 {404} (#3090997@0)
中国人, 外国人不是关键, 相差20岁也不是非常大的问题, 最主要的是你们之间的感情. 老外经常会感情至上, 而中国人, 尤其是在一定岁数时, 考虑更多的是婚姻. 他已经50岁, 也许是真心想SETTLE DOWN了. 不要急着做决定, 再多相处了解一下.

你在这询问意见真不知道是否明智: 不少中国单身男性认为中国单身女性不找他们是贱, 找了那种品德不好的中国男性也是因为自己贱, 找老外的那就是更加贱了. 所以你也别听得太往心里去吧. Good luck!

:) 谢谢你的支持。 -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {135} (#3091083@0)
我已经说得很小心了。我不介意别人怎么说，如果我是旁观者，也可能会看不惯。
确实象你说的老外到一定岁数更注重感情，可能这正是我想要的吧。

你既然有自己的想法又反复的和别人争辩，又何必在这里发狗P帖子？贱者自贱，让别人笑去吧！ -skywriting(天书); 2006-7-20 (#3091142@0)
"老外到一定岁数更注重感情", 这是笑话, 老外上了50就更色情, 你看看那些天体活动, swinger, 都是50以上的老外. -idontknow1(idontknow); 2006-7-20 (#3091286@0)
如果不需要负责任，当然就注重感情了；另一个现实是，老白人在亚洲女性面前有不自觉的自信，在白女人面前，怕没那么自信；这是我的观察，供参考。 -fxid(闲聊灌水达20字符); 2006-7-20 (#3091501@0)
你说的还不够，老外不是更注重感情，而是只注重感情。 -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-7-20 {212} (#3091634@0)
好的时候什么不顾，
不和的时候拍拍屁股就走，叫个男人都想这样多爽啊。而且连个婚约都不签。
可惜中国男人还要想一辈子的婚姻问题，
也许等他和你的孩子13岁的时候，碰到一个更年轻的拍拍屁股走了，你就会体会到老外的好处了

"老外经常会感情至上", 纯属误导. 只能说老外和老中对婚姻的看法不一样, 但不能说他们是感情至上. Totally different. -gyousou(Gyousou); 2006-7-20 (#3091422@0)

I understand what you said. Older age local Canadians have values closer to us, and they still behave as the old style gentlemen we saw on the old movies -- isn't that the definition of gentleman in girl's mind? -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 {241} (#3091000@0)
My suggestion is: follow your heart. His age and daughter are not a problem if you really love each other. This is just a start, find out more about him: do you have the same view for family, kids, money, ... If you really love him, why not?

I think you are right. It is because of his manner and his attitude that makes me feel so good. -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {344} (#3091034@0)
Also, we have similar point of views in many aspects, similar value system. I just cannot believe I would fall in love with an old man, a canadian man. We have distinct background, distinct culture. Everything just seems impossible. I think I need more time to talk to him, need more to be convinced.
Thank you so much for your understanding.
full of illusions，这是贱的条件之一。 -skywriting(天书); 2006-7-20 (#3091145@0)

Full of prejudice, 这是蠢的条件之一 -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3091165@0)

他要是莫多克，我就不说你了。。。。 -maplew2008(call me at 911); 2006-7-20 (#3091048@0)
Whether a man is decent human being or not has nothing to do with his age or race. -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2006-7-20 {781} (#3091054@0)
A decent man is decent even in his 70's. and a decent man is decent whether he is white, black or yellow.
never underestimate an old man's energy. you may be surprised. we human beings are animals of potentials.
however, if he is less financially better-off than you are you may have some degree of disappointment down the road. a good woman needs to be spoiled from time to time (or maybe all the time). it could be difficult for both of you if he does not have enough capacity to spoil you -- unless you are super rich.
and, you may begin to like a man by chatting and writing. but you can only tell whether you really love a man or not after going to bed with him.
and, finally, most time we don't need two weeks to tell whether we are in love with someone or not.

forgot one more point -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2006-7-20 {416} (#3091064@0)
and it is a very important point.
I will be careful with a guy who is over 40 but claims he love someone like crazy. a man who says so is either immature or telling a lie.
A man at this age has too much distractions -- career, finance, family responsibility, etc.
a woman is only a small part of his world. how can he be crazy?
and if a woman is indeed the center of his world then he will be a useless loser.

我同意你的看法. 而且那个男的声称他没有爱过人, 他不爱他的partner, 但和她生了一个女儿. 这怎么跟那么多男人骗女人的故事相似啊... 到了解50岁了还没有爱过人, 要不就是感情迟钝, 只爱自己, 要不就是骗人? -meizi(梅子); 2006-7-20 (#3091092@0)

Thanks for your advices. -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {322} (#3091941@0)
He is not making as much money as I am. But he has much saving. I believe money is not a problem if we are together.
We also talked about sexual life. He is an athelete, and so do I. So I guess we would have much more fun than average people.
About the crazy part, sounds right. So I will talk to him.
Thanks again!

He is an athelete, and so do I. ??? -btflyer(从至); 2006-7-21 (#3093283@0)

Lao D, you cannot compare that way, it's about feeling, feeling..., LZ is comfortable alreay with this guy, athelet just one point gain. don't throw brick to me co'z I don't support any chinese girl go with westerns, -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-21 (#3093426@0)

这不是办公室恋情嘛，不值得８？实在不行了，先当个朋友处着。５０岁的人不管中外都是处于人老奸马老滑的阶段，再说他们处理感情不象国人那么好把握，别把自己先套死，一切都慢慢来 -ningxin0809(雁影行洲); 2006-7-20 (#3091061@0)

我有一个原则: 绝对不和同事发生浪漫之情. -meizi(梅子); 2006-7-20 (#3091075@0)

显然从来没有过爱到灵魂最深处的感觉，而且读的书也主要是理工的。 -888888888(默默无言，听贴忧命); 2006-7-20 (#3091143@0)

MSSD,你分析正确 -meizi(梅子); 2006-7-20 (#3091296@0)
你的眼光很敏锐啊.呵呵 -www4000(Wayne); 2006-7-21 (#3094822@0)

这有啥,不行就换工作贝 -pcx(平常心); 2006-7-20 (#3091166@0)

这话有理，虽然兔子不吃窝边草，但如果真的爱上了一窝边草，那也只能挪窝，而不是不吃草，要知道，有些草是可以治病救命的。 -888888888(默默无言，听贴忧命); 2006-7-20 (#3091187@0)

如果你们确实是soulmate，那么你们相差的年龄，他的皮肤颜色，还有有个女儿都不是什么问题。但是听你的描述，他说他从前没有爱过别人， -3721(过路人); 2006-7-20 {97} (#3091106@0)
对一个50岁的人来说，听着有点悬。建议慢慢了解。

他爱过别人. ,我只是说他说不爱孩子的妈妈. -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 {94} (#3091911@0)
确实还需要继续了解. 我并不是要急着决定, 就是这事对我来说也是不可思议,所以才想听听好心人的意见.

他说不爱孩子的妈妈. -- Well, He loves sex only. Don't to be a naive girl! You are 30 already. Other wise, you will be his another partner, it's just called married partner. Do you want? -btflyer(从至); 2006-7-21 (#3093294@0)

There will be no problem, if you don't think of it as a problem. Well, perhaps you need to ask him if he wants more children, as he already has one. -asker(answer); 2006-7-20 (#3091108@0)

Yes, he did say he wants one more daughter. I said I want a boy and 2 girls. -rejoices(honouroflove); 2006-7-20 (#3091947@0)

So that he wants only one more, while you want more than only one. What's his response? He agrees with you or not? -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093296@0)

爱情万岁！ -babyface(★又来了，又来了。★); 2006-7-20 (#3091241@0)

Long live love? Sounds like tongue twister。。。 -noproblem(大可以); 2006-7-20 (#3091276@0)

like it, :-)) -babyface(★又来了，又来了。★); 2006-7-20 (#3091427@0)

万岁？能有三岁就不错了。知道你有一颗年轻的心，但也不能回到幼儿园时代，尽做白日梦。 -lovenature(BlackBear); 2006-7-20 (#3091725@0)

suport 爱情万岁！There is no love, there is no way to live -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-20 (#3091790@0)
:-) -babyface(★又来了，又来了。★); 2006-7-21 (#3093436@0)

我想中国男人之所以在和老外竞争的时候败下阵来，大概是不够‘浪漫’；尤其我们这些新移民，满脑子的竞争，专业，生存，生活；而老外的地头舌优势是不言而喻的；所以一旦一个女国移比较看中浪漫这类软条件，国男利马输掉。 -fxid(闲聊灌水达20字符); 2006-7-20 {780} (#3091295@0)
可是你这个案子，要慎重；爱情完了，还是要生活，无非房子车子孩子；所以你们都是工作
人士，这些不是大问题，可是说一个50的人，职位比你低，等爱情的赫儿蒙下去了，现实的
残酷就浮上心头了，比如你要有个孩子，他能不能提供足够的财力让你在家相夫教子几年？
当朋友都蒸蒸日上，房子车子频繁换，而你的这个他，已经回天无力，那种失落你也要考虑；
最关键的一点，是老外的优点，老中的‘弱点’，就是责任，那种对家庭，对对方负责的
心态，你在他身上看到多少？有了孩子还不结婚，因为不爱孩子妈，这种思维国男有嘛？50
大几的人事业上一无追求，还要追求浪漫SOULMATE，也就是加拿大这么和平的国家还能
让他们折腾，放在稍微残酷些的环境，他们就会死得很惨；可是的可是，女人都是爱浪漫
的多，理性思维的少，不过你还年轻，先和他折腾几年再回头，也还是机会大把，不过国
男的心扉你也知道，要回头到国男这里，怕不那么容易。

Agree! -btflyer(从至); 2006-7-21 (#3093305@0)
I don't agree that chinese guy will lose, I did see some chinese guy very inteligent, have deept thinking about life/career, that's kind of very charming compared to western guys, at least to me. -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-21 (#3093319@0)

Absolutely, how many decent western guys have Chinese women as their wives? -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093359@0)

要是一个带着孩子的50多岁的中国老头,很难想象你能考虑他,外国老头有这么好吗?除了生理上有点优势以外,不觉得会比中国人强.你得看他行动上是不是爱你,甜言蜜语能管用吗? -cool_guy(cool guy); 2006-7-20 (#3091301@0)

可见你是不懂女人的心理。大部分女人都会对成熟的男人有好感，有的还会有点恋父情结。 -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 {144} (#3091352@0)
50多岁的中国男人之所以不是太吸引人是因为他们的生活背景使他们很现实，心态很老。。。其实有少数经风雨见世面之后的比西人５０岁的更有成熟男人的味道。

你说话过于偏激了.如果改成"不懂部分女人心理,不少女人都会...."比较合适一点.你现在的数量推断都是你一厢情愿的认为.我还真没见过喜欢50多岁老头的女人.成熟是一种心态,和岁数不见得成比例,更何况50多 2 old -cool_guy(cool guy); 2006-7-20 (#3091392@0)

同意你严谨的概率分析。真嫁50多岁老头的女人我也没见过很多，但喜欢的的确不少。不嫁有各种原因，怕来自家庭和社会的压力也是其中之一。 -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3091417@0)

有啊, 梁锦松。付明霞不至于就稀罕他那俩钱儿吧？ -millicent(milli); 2006-7-20 (#3091475@0)

不光有钱,还有地位,这些都不是一般能比的.同样是他,但即无钱又无地位,我很难相信副名下会嫁给他.杨振宁要是个普通老头,鬼才信他能娶到20多岁的老婆.那些女的都是看上了这些硬条件,而不是因为对方成熟. -cool_guy(cool guy); 2006-7-20 (#3091510@0)

我的意思是，凭付明霞的条件完全可以找到更年轻的有钱的主，可她就看上了梁锦松。我不认为地位是一个考虑因素，只要钱不是非法得来的，有钱跟有地位有什么不同，非得有官职才行？杨翁那是交易，没有爱情因素，不是一回事。 -millicent(milli); 2006-7-20 (#3091558@0)

你说的有些道理,肯定有恋父情节的女的.不过例子还是不太合适.梁锦松无孩,如果他有孩,副名下还会不会嫁那就谁也不好说了. -cool_guy(cool guy); 2006-7-20 (#3091599@0)

飞蛾扑火. -nethead(nethead); 2006-7-20 (#3091312@0)
我不反对LZ找老外, 但我觉得你的眼光太低了. 本地人如果50岁混的职位还比LZ低, 我的经验是这老外就只能算洋垃圾一类. 我在工作中接触的老外做低职位的都很年轻, 35岁以上的很少还在底层混的. -idontknow1(idontknow); 2006-7-20 {81} (#3091320@0)
底层混的一般都是没有学识, 人又比较MEAN, 没有基本处理问题的技巧和没有好的人际关系.

即使很多为人很差的本地人, 在移民比较多的环境中都能混个manager以上的职位. -idontknow1(idontknow); 2006-7-20 (#3091322@0)
比楼主职位低也不一定就低呀, 你知楼主职位多高? -buckbuck(buckbuck); 2006-7-20 (#3091359@0)

呵, 楼主估计已经够低了, 否则, 也不会说"比我还低"这话 -idontknow1(idontknow); 2006-7-20 (#3091774@0)

不赞同这个观点。职位和工资并不是衡量人成功与否的唯一标准。连学历也不是最重要的。要看一个人对生活是否有热情，对他热爱的事情是否执着追求。 -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3091373@0)

你就一个拉XX的形象 -skywriting(天书); 2006-7-20 (#3091384@0)

你就一个loser的形象. -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3091406@0)

94...........耐心点儿，找个30岁的帅哥。：-） -babyface(★又来了，又来了。★); 2006-7-20 (#3091432@0)
灰常同意。50岁了混的还没有一个年轻的外国移民好，其水准程度可见一斑。楼主还是醒醒吧！ -whatislove(什么是爱); 2006-7-20 (#3091698@0)

你和他上床一次后再决定也不迟. 另外问个问题, 你对50岁的中国老人来追求你是不是有点恶心的感觉呢? 他们身上特有的老人气味你会受得了嘛? -agent_smith(墨镜); 2006-7-20 (#3091408@0)
这是一个空怀爱情，没胆负责的gentleman, 因缺乏阳刚之男人气概而能讨好某类女人。一个烂心苹果怎能和经风雨见世面的５０'s华裔男相提并论 -marcelo(marcelo); 2006-7-20 (#3091423@0)

经风雨见世面的５０'s华裔糟老头吧? -refreshing(我刷我刷我刷刷刷); 2006-7-20 (#3091487@0)

反对年龄歧视！凭什么把50以上的叫“糟老头”？ -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3091498@0)

呵呵, 俺不是歧视年纪大的人, 而是真没见过几个年过50, 依旧注重形象, 没有老人味的大陆华裔男. -refreshing(我刷我刷我刷刷刷); 2006-7-20 (#3091522@0)

这里有一半男人会成为５０精华男的，你在另一半里 -marcelo(marcelo); 2006-7-20 (#3091564@0)

你自封的吧?: ) -refreshing(我刷我刷我刷刷刷); 2006-7-20 (#3091610@0)

就因为有纵多的毫无自信，未战先败，胸都挺不起来的国男，才使国女门开辟第二条战场 -marcelo(marcelo); 2006-7-20 (#3091701@0)

Cheer for 经风雨见世面的５０'s华裔男, one day I'm going to meet one. -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-20 (#3091839@0)

那您可且得等着哩. -refreshing(我刷我刷我刷刷刷); 2006-7-20 (#3092113@0)

作个不适当的类比。我在省际间转驾照和保险时，会被要求出示以前的保险和驾驶记录。用以评估。你是不是可以多了解一些他的历史再作决定？ -647i(流浪的步行万里); 2006-7-20 (#3091449@0)
#894416@9 -dropoutinmiami(饺子－和儿子一起成长); 2006-7-20 (#3091515@0)

agree -pinkcloudy(pinkcloudy); 2006-7-20 (#3091537@0)

爱就爱了，别想这么多，享受爱情的滋味吧。没有缘分和感觉的时候再及时调整或者分手也可以的 -pinkcloudy(pinkcloudy); 2006-7-20 (#3091534@0)
LOVE IS BLIND.爱情会在任何时间任何地点和任何人发生，和老外谈两个星期的恋爱很容易，新鲜好奇可能占了一部分，问题是你要谈几十年的恋爱呢，观察一下你周围的中外婚姻，把日子FF到三五年之后，如果你能接受的话，就继续。 -cnhk(春暖花开); 2006-7-20 (#3091553@0)
这事儿得听听过来人的意见. 不说别的, 年龄绝对是大问题. 认识几个外嫁女, 和你的情况差不多. 当年也是抱着浪漫的想法, 奋不顾身嫁"老老外". 如今男的已退休在家, 女的仍在上班.... 你应该问问她们. 不是"无奈"二字可以概括... -way2go(一贱你就笑); 2006-7-20 (#3091571@0)

Please provide a little bit detail about 不是"无奈"二字可以概括, I think that will really help LZ -cristina(cristina); 2006-7-20 (#3091805@0)

听说过"鸡肋"吗? LZ若执意与此老外"发展", 应准备好: 1. 不要小孩. 2. 10年后开始伺候已进如老年期的LG. -way2go(一贱你就笑); 2006-7-20 (#3091845@0)

还有, 大家都知道, 中年时期, 国人看上去比实际年龄年轻10岁, 老外看上去比实际年龄要老10岁. 所以10年后, LZ看上去30来岁, 他LG看上去70来岁. (往往年老多病), 这日子着么过? -way2go(一贱你就笑); 2006-7-20 (#3091865@0)

老是自我感觉良好，看上去年轻１０岁那是老外的看法，自己人一看就知道是怎么回事。过了４０岁，年龄就不是由皱纹多少来判断了。 -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-7-20 (#3092168@0)

老外的爱来去匆匆，你可以多吊吊他胃口一段时间，千万不要轻易上床。50岁是他们的花季，要让他们领教中国女人的矜持和驾驭男人的能力。 -rogerz(piggy); 2006-7-20 (#3091573@0)

太外行了。 -wangyuyanrl(Xiaobao); 2006-7-20 (#3092235@0)

才2个星期，先多了解了解再说吧。 -caky(大苹果); 2006-7-20 (#3091654@0)

Exactly. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093352@0)

你才30岁，正是好年华，为什么会喜欢上一个50岁的老头？工作还不如你的，真是令人费解。soulmate固然重要，可是我坚信跟你同年龄的人里你更容易找到soulmate。 -whatislove(什么是爱); 2006-7-20 (#3091690@0)
This man is 50 years old, nenver married and probably don't have a live-in g/f either. How TH did he satisfy his sexual needs all thses years ? Either he is a player or he frequently uses sex workers. -t0r0nt0(w0lf); 2006-7-20 (#3091735@0)
说实话，你是吃饱了撑的，安慰安慰他就行了，千万别认真哈。做个明智的女人，别一天到晚傻了吧叽，难怪你30了还没结婚。 -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3091873@0)

看来，泥并不真的了解老外，来去匆匆是老外对感情的普遍方式，来时，感天动地；去时，象兔子奔丧，那叫一个快；泥都30了，还折腾得起吗 -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3091910@0)

哎，你们这种傻女人，生活会让你们付学费的，还是vip的费用，呵呵呵 -gungun123(土枪%洋枪); 2006-7-20 (#3091918@0)

能否跟咱们聊聊他究竟哪些地方吸引你，也好让咱广大国男学习学习。 -rogerz(piggy); 2006-7-20 (#3091883@0)

别认真好不好？大家就在这找乐，这是一坑，而且是一男人挖的坑，你就不要搞得大家严肃得不得了呐。 -888888888(默默无言，听贴忧命); 2006-7-20 (#3091915@0)

啊，男的？同性恋？ -rogerz(piggy); 2006-7-20 (#3091923@0)

看来你这诗人有时也不够诗意，只是找乐，怎么又严肃地深入到同性恋呢？ -888888888(默默无言，听贴忧命); 2006-7-20 (#3091930@0)

唉，白跟着瞎操心半天，原来众人皆醒，惟我独醉 -rogerz(piggy); 2006-7-20 (#3091944@0)

什么“但是只有他让我心动了”，只是你给自己的安慰而已，不然，你乍好意思倒下！！如果你和他在一起，你就立马沦为GARBAGE！ -xyyl(雪峰蜜桔); 2006-7-20 (#3092042@0)
爱情至上，尽管去吧。有了爱情的滋润，女人才会觉得幸福。 -wangyuyanrl(Xiaobao); 2006-7-20 (#3092238@0)

同意 -yizhiyan(微笑看人间); 2006-7-21 (#3094527@0)

MONEY > AGE GAP -longerisshorter(info_identifyer); 2006-7-20 (#3092356@0)
是个坑吧, 这么多人扑了扑啦跳. 这样的事情拿到网上问, 无怪别人会"老外都怎样怎样"的说你, 好象你和所有老外恋爱是的. 这种事情就是不该拿来问所有人的. -freaky(夏觞); 2006-7-20 (#3092384@0)
明显的"恋夫情结". 当你发现他不如你父亲好的话. 问题就会来了. -icedance(冰舞); 2006-7-20 (#3092546@0)

"恋父情节“。哈，用错啦。该贴可以加入国男今天最爱骂的贴，鉴定完毕。 -westvv(Bestway); 2006-7-20 (#3092562@0)

如果你清醒地知道自己需要什么，就去爱吧。你的价值观念不需要得到大多数人的认同。 -choice(月光下的凤尾竹); 2006-7-20 (#3092564@0)

Under the circumstances that he is REALLY in love with LZ, though. At this point, I haven't seen it yet. "I like you" or "I am crazy about you" are not literally equal to "I love you" by western standard. -asker(answer); 2006-7-21 (#3093350@0)

远离，远离，再远离。或者你们处个一年半载的，不要轻易谈结婚的问题。。 -111111(快乐老家); 2006-7-20 (#3092678@0)
我没看到任何感情,只看到2个人的欲望. -www4000(Wayne); 2006-7-21 (#3094818@0)

30多的女人还很年轻啊,怎么对自己这么没信心? -www4000(Wayne); 2006-7-21 (#3094850@0)

以后有什么问题？以后性是个大问题。女人30如狼，40如虎，可是他呢？50，60了，靠Viagra能行吗？性得不到满足，就容易争吵。 -youngerbrother(_); 2006-7-21 (#3094847@0)
To:Rejoices: NOT EASY! Take your time get to know him more, it is too earlier to discuss whether you can be with him, marriage might not be what he is looking for though he loves you... -smartest(飘); 2006-7-21 (#3094975@0)
你们之间的不是感情, 明显的性化学反应 .要看看你用什么容器去装这个化学反应了. 好自为之! -icedance(冰舞); 2006-7-21 (#3095090@0)
这年龄差距也太大了吧, 找个年纪相差正常点的吧, 老外不老外的都无所谓, 否则在一起看了特难受 -happygirl2002(little); 2006-7-22 (#3095168@0)
'经过几个星期的深入聊天',是怎样的深入呢？具体点好吗？ -8616121(长城外，万里花香); 2006-7-22 (#3095558@0)
50岁对30岁，爱你爱得CRAZY，不是指年龄差距，而是他的阅历比你丰富20年，交流技巧比你多锻炼20年， -ouer(ouer); 2006-7-22 {790} (#3095650@0)
聊天时照顾迁就一下你情绪，思想发展的方向，适当引起共鸣，如果这样还不能说动你，他这50年也白活了吧。重要的是他会不会一直迁就你，照顾你，大家思想是不是比较吻合，如果是那恭喜你找到真爱了。

年龄差距的好坏也说一下吧。好处就是思想成熟，可以照顾你，安抚你，可以给你一个发展的方向（好像都是父母应该做的，不过父母没得选，老公可以选）。不好的话就是看他的心理和生理状况吧，过个几年，你还很想玩，但他就已经没有精神，体力陪你玩了。有时候不是没有体力，而是很多东西他都玩过了，你还没试过，他的第一次都给别人了，还哪有那么多激情和你玩。不过还好他有女儿，过几年可以陪你玩。更不好的是不出意外的话，他见上帝就时间比你早，爱得越深痛得越深。

老外一般是情绪来了就说爱得CRAZY，很难知道他的情绪可以维持多久；中国人是就算爱你爱到CRAZY都不会说出来，很难说动女孩子。不过两种情况都很难知道他们的婚姻可以维持多久。

希望这个不是坑。 -yunliwuli(喜欢走路); 2006-7-22 {344} (#3095746@0)
为什么广大姐妹们就不明白，真正浪漫的是我们中国男人，懂得占有，他们知道老婆，女人是自己的，要去护着。而老外其实骨子里特别实际，以前玩够了，现在该是找个靠岸的地方了。你说的浪漫，感情是什么？懂得相依相靠的人才是真正的浪漫，也许你和他会有幸福的十几年的，但是以后呢？你还年轻，慢慢的等来一个与自己能白头偕老的岂不是更好？不过，人的价值观不同。珍重。

你跟他一起出去吃饭了吗，AA制吗 -yousee(专家级侦探); 2006-7-22 (#3096002@0)

呵呵,最近,挖坑的真多啊 -www4000(Wayne); 2006-7-23 (#3096903@0)

自己去喝自己酿的苦酒吧。说不定最后来外，玩腻了你后，就会抛弃你的。他会为你去离婚？让他离婚试试。 -richard100(冬青); 2006-7-22 (#3096069@0)

It is hard to tell who 玩腻了 who. -hipacific(crystalblue); 2006-7-23 (#3097912@0)

I am a so called western guy, my wife is originally from Shanghai we are happliy married. Our age is very close... -johnnywestern(Johnny); 2006-7-22 {342} (#3096672@0)
I don't understand some people on this topic, if the girl is happy why would you call her stupid or crazy, I personally think you people are just jealous and incompetant, basically..some of you have to wake up and realize that you are in the year 2006 not 1800's.....maybe the guy is older but love see's no age, race or financial status.

Johnny, a) girls from Shanghai are usually different, good or bad, than those from rest of China; b) Your ages are close; c)Q - can you tell us if you know Chinese language / characters, to a certain degree? -wukongjj(不怕做不到就怕想不到); 2006-7-23 {216} (#3096995@0)
LZ, what Johnny said - 'love see's no age, race or financial status' -- is true in theory but not necessarily in practice. Their ages are close. Yours are different and I agree with most posts here emphasing this.

I don't agree that " girls from Shanghai are usually different", and I think that all girls, from Shanghai or not, from USA or not, white or not, Chinese or not, basically dream to be happily ever after. -asker(answer); 2006-7-23 (#3097873@0)

If it is nothing to do with western or chinese, why is the cross-cultural divorce rate much higher? I believe that human beings are born with cultural identifications. -asker(answer); 2006-7-24 (#3099292@0)

yes as a matter of fact I have learned some chinese because I care about my wife's culture and I find it fasinating, I can also write some words...it is a matter of choice,and I want to learn it..... -johnnywestern(Johnny); 2006-7-23 (#3097964@0)

TO 楼上的johnnywestern： You will never understand chinese cultrue and chinese man because you are stupid. I wonder why this jerk comes to here. 哪儿来的傻冒儿在这瞎搀和，让你老婆帮你翻译翻译我这句话。 -mjq32(枫叶蘅芜(他)); 2006-8-6 (#3126896@0)

A 50 years old native guy, working whole life, still at a lower position than a chinese new comer lady. Jealous because of this guy??? That is funny. -dennis2000(dennis2000); 2006-7-23 (#3097073@0)

Definitely, some white guys assume that they are supposed to be envied just because they are white. Come on, this is the 21 century -asker(answer); 2006-7-23 (#3097867@0)

i don't expect anyone to envy me, I won't speak for all western people but some of you have such a hatred for western people it makes me sick.... -johnnywestern(Johnny); 2006-7-23 {318} (#3097962@0)
why can't you just except the fact that u are in Canada and I respect you and you respect me,I can speak chinese and write it a little, I don't disrespect Asian people so don't disrespect or criticize me beacause I am Western........Maybe you are in the wrong country have you ever heard of muticulturism...please!

By saying that means you did not understand the above posts very well. It is nothing to do with "western" or chines guy. -dennis2000(dennis2000); 2006-7-23 {180} (#3098342@0)
If the guy is excellent, I will absolutely encourage the lady to love him, why not? But from her post, I can not see any merits about him. No matter he is a chinese or western guy.

What's your definition of "excellent", though? Different people have different opinions in this regard. "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." -asker(answer); 2006-7-24 (#3099265@0)

except or accept? -sammy(211 days); 2006-7-24 (#3099297@0)

If that girl is purely happy and absolutely sure, she won't give us this question at all. How can you be sure that he is really in love with her by just "talking or having lunch" together? -asker(answer); 2006-7-23 (#3097858@0)
敢情你看的懂中文? 看的懂我就告诉你, 中国人的事你闪一边去, 烦不烦人. 看不懂的话那前面的事儿是你老婆翻译的吧, 就麻烦她再翻译一下, 你没事儿干好好歇着去, -happygirl2002(little); 2006-7-23 (#3097896@0)
敢情你看的懂中文? 看的懂我就告诉你, 中国人的事你闪一边去, 烦不烦人. 看不懂的话那前面的事儿是你老婆翻译的吧, 就麻烦她再翻译一下, 你没事儿干好好歇着去 -happygirl2002(little); 2006-7-23 (#3097899@0)
Johnny, I think it is a cuture issue. And I wish LZ the best going forward. -iluka(cmu); 2006-7-23 (#3097943@0)
Jonny, I think people here, including myself, try to raise a point here that LZ should go for a relationship for the right reason. Put the cultural conflict, age and race aside, how much does LZ know about this person? -redundant(sunny); 2006-7-24 {1125} (#3098695@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛As a "western guy", you should know better than I what it means when come to "I am crazily in love with you"

My long term friend, by the way, who is also from Shanghai and has a long-term western bf once told me that if the relationship did not work out, she wound never go for another western guy b/c of the cultural gap. If i am not mistaken, LZ is looking for a long-term relationship which may eventually lead to marriage. Just a piece of advice, be aware of "womanizer", or professional lover, who always says the exact right things.

As for cultural conflict, let's face it, don't tell me that there is no such thing between you and your shanghainese wife. You may say life is about compromise. Yes, compromise exists among same-race marriage, but it is harder between interrace couples. The old one gets, the hard it is to change someone. In other words, should the relationship goes to the right direction, LZ should be prepared to compromise a lot, even some of her fundamental principals which is often taken as granted when dealling with a chinese man.

Wish you happy life with your shanghai wife.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

LZ条件还不是不错的,我原来有个白人同事,小伙长得很帅,我要他找个Chinese girl,别人根本就不屑一顾,反要我找个White girl,我当然也是不屑一顾,这就像饮食一样,如果洋人说他喜欢中餐胜过西餐,你信吗? -falcon7x(鹰飘风流); 2006-7-23 (#3097196@0)

青菜罗卜各有所好，不能拿个体作结论。 -wangyuyanrl(Xiaobao); 2006-7-24 (#3098673@0)

是纯白人吗，100多年前祖上从英国来的，要知道Scotland非常抠门儿。如果是南美人，你肯定吃不惯他们的饭, 如果是印巴人，你闻不了他的味儿。他喜欢你，但不一定爱你，老外分得很清楚。 -yousee(专家级侦探); 2006-7-23 (#3097231@0)

非也非也，东方女性的温柔是会让很多国人白人情网深陷的。爱情真的跟种族金钱不大关联。 -wangyuyanrl(Xiaobao); 2006-7-24 (#3098672@0)

这话你说对了，就是有种神秘感，图个新鲜。就像很多人想找个日本妞玩玩一样。当然有了感情后不少还是会走向婚姻的，但至少开始时是想尝个鲜 -albert2001(再来一次); 2006-7-24 (#3098677@0)
爱情 perhaps 跟种族不大关联, but somehow 跟金钱关联. Western guys care about 金钱, social status and family backgrounds as well, if not more than Chinese. -asker(answer); 2006-7-24 (#3099320@0)

Sorry, there must be something wrong with this thread. This reply is to "非也非也，东方女性的温柔是会让很多国人白人情网深陷的。爱情真的跟种族金钱不大关联。 -wangyuyanrl(Xiaobao); 02:19 (#3098672@0)Reply " -asker(answer); 2006-7-24 (#3099325@0)
刚开始时，这些外部因素都会起作用，如果真的相爱后金钱地位美貌才华什么的就不那么重要了。 -wangyuyanrl(Xiaobao); 2006-7-24 (#3099806@0)

johnnywestern: What we are talking about right here has nothing to do with multiculturalism or Asian hatred toward western guys something like that. We simply worry about this girl not because she got a western guy, -asker(answer); 2006-7-24 {102} (#3099340@0)
but because she and we are not sure if that guy is good for her in terms of personality not ethnicity.
我年轻时候的爱 -aiguo(曾经深爱过); 2006-7-25 {81} (#3100689@0)

I hope LZ will have the same luck as you do. -asker(answer); 2006-7-25 (#3100792@0)

This is the reply to aiguo(曾经深爱过). -asker(answer); 2006-7-25 (#3100793@0)

现在作结论还太早.翁帆爱上扬政林时也是28岁,比你的CASE更有说服力. -northice(northice); 2006-7-25 (#3100825@0)

估计以后得离婚 -oldfish(老鱼); 2006-7-27 (#3105155@0)

TO 楼上的johnnywestern： You will never understand chinese cultrue and chinese man because you are stupid. I wonder why this jerk comes to here. 哪儿来的傻冒儿在这瞎搀和，让你老婆帮你翻译翻译我这句话。 -mjq32(枫叶蘅芜(他)); 2006-8-6 (#3126445@0)

玩火者必自焚。都这么大岁数了，还想往火坑里跳，我是不敢说啥了。赶紧找个正经男人过日子吧，都三十了，还向无知少女那样，受这种糟滑老头子骗。我是男人，知道这老头子咋想的。 -china_wei(站着说话不腰疼); 2006-7-27 {76} (#3105472@0)
另外，我们视这种跟外国老头子的为垃圾或者是鸡，在公共场合大家会误认为你是鸡的
别被骗了，爱你爱得CRAZY是假的。老外最擅长甜言蜜语。爱他自己CRAZY倒是真的。 -jackywang(tax season); 2006-7-28 (#3107393@0)

@DC

Jonny, I think people here, including myself, try to raise a point here that LZ should go for a relationship for the right reason. Put the cultural conflict, age and race aside, how much does LZ know about this person?

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